When I graduated University, my mother left her second husband and told us she never planned to get married again. Not too long after, she met her current partner, who would then whisk her off to Australia. Within 2 months of being there on his visa as his partner (and fully aware that if they broke up she’d have to come home), she’s got his ring on her finger. Finally spoke to my mother for the first time since Christmas, and discovered that since she’s been engaged to her boyfriend for about 2 years now, they’ve finally set a date sometime late in March.
None of the kids will be going, as it would cost a fortune to get all 3 of us to Oz and back. Though even if they could afford it, I’m not sure I’d go anyway. This will be her third, and going to the second was enough for me. I’ll give her this; she’s not having a third wedding – just a small civic ceremony. I’m not sure I could have stayed quiet if she was having a big wedding again.
I personally don’t believe in marriage. To be fair, my opinions are relatively justified – my parent’s divorce ripped my family apart, and my brother and I had to live with the two most important people in our lives becoming more and more intolerant of each other’s presence. On more than one occasion, when the custody swap-over weekends occurred, the two of us would end up having to take walks in car parks while Mommy and Daddy screamed at each other in restaurants. To this day, I haven’t been able to get both of them to agree on just why it happened, all I have been able to confirm is that one of them cheated on the other at least once. The number of times and eventual reason for the break up depends on who you ask.
And it wasn’t just them. In both sides of my family, only two couples haven’t been divorced. My grandparents and my Aunt and Uncle on my father’s side. The rest all walked down the aisle and then about a decade later started signing divorce papers and being unable to stay in the same room with one another.
I just don’t get why people make such a big deal of it. Affairs, divorce…marriage isn’t for life – as far as I can tell it’s just to give your partner incentive NOT to leave you when they catch you messing with someone else. It’s sad, but all I know are horror stories that come from marriage. Considering the expense and everything that comes with it, why actually do it? Kids from unmarried parents are pretty normal, it’s certainly not expected of people anymore, and in fact, since it’s denied to people of certain orientations, it’s very outdated.
To this day, nobody has ever given me a good answer for it. Although that may be because I keep my tongue when it comes to this subject – an awful lot of friends do NOT agree with my opinion.
Don’t get me wrong; when people choose to get married, I am supportive. If it’s their first time, more power to them – maybe they’ll actually be the small minority that make it. But don’t expect me to get excited when you’re working on the second or the third. You should get married once, and make it work. If you don’t think you can, don’t, and certainly don’t expect me to be there smiling at ‘the happiest day of your life 3.0’.